The Blabbering Inferno: MAN OF STEEL. REVIEWED.

Man of Steel (2013)

Rating- 12a

Running Time- 2 hours 23 minutes

Directed by- Zack Snyder

Written by- David S. Goyer and Christopher Nolan

We live in time where it seems every other movie is based on a comic book character and in Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel we see the return to our screens of the figure head of all comic book characters: Superman. But is it a welcome return? In short, no.

I was always under the impression that it would be impossible to make a truly good Superman movie because the central protagonist is void of any real weakness (except for kryptonite but the idea of every enemy Superman faces possessing this extremely rare element seems farfetched) and like its predecessors Man of Steel fails to address this fundamental issue. But this was expected as if you try and change the traits of the character to make him more vulnerable you are likely to have an army of comic book ‘nerds’ (the majority audience of the film) knocking angrily at your door each equipped with a strongly worded letter of complaint. But even with looking past this basic flaw the movie still failed to excite me.

When I first heard that the film had been co-written by Christopher Nolan I was left with the expectation that he would try and put a gritty spin on the king of cheese, which we all know is Superman, or maybe it was something I saw on a Burger King menu one time, either way it left me confused and hungry for something else. In truth this film wasn’t gritty but instead attempted to add a dark edge to Superman (emos rejoice) and this was largely successful because the contradictory cheese that I expected was hidden by the odour of boring perfume*. By that I mean that there were cheesy moments but they were largely glossed over with explosions and inexplicably loud noises. But despite Snyder and co. ‘succeeding’ in this aspect they failed in every other way.

While watching the beginning of the film I kept saying to myself “they’ve made a mistake here, if they feel the need to have a tedious character establishing scene then they should do it in the middle of the film not the start; you don’t want to lose your audience from the get go”. The gentlemen next to me then asked me to shut up so I kept that thought in the confines of my mind but it was a thought that stayed with me until the final twenty minutes of the film (see running time at head of page to receive full impact of that statement). It seems that the creators of this film were so fixed on avoiding the pitfalls of the past they forgot about the most important thing: entertainment.

But does that bother modern day cinema buffs? Well considering the rave reviews Paul Thomas Anderson’s The Master (2012) received I would argue that entertainment is towards the bottom of their ‘good movie criteria lists’ they carry in their pockets at all times to reassure themselves that their opinion is correct. But what might bother them is the fact that Superman (Henry Cavill), the greatest hero of them all, is a really shoddy hero in this film. There is a line spoken by Superman’s father (Russell Crowe) during the film that goes something like “you can save her [Lois Lane]; you can save all of them”. Well it seemed like he failed to hear the latter part of that statement as he only tended to show his heroic traits when his fancy woman was the one in danger. Not only did he ignore the desperate plights of the citizens of earth but he caused a lot of it himself.

The first action scene in the film, which occurs about half an hour in (no, that is no typo) sees Superman dart, evil General Zod (Michael Shannon) in tow, into a busy petrol station causing it to explode. No one bats an eye lid for these unsuspecting casualties but we can let Superman off just this once can’t we, I mean he seems like a swell guy – well no we can’t – why? Because he does it again about five minutes later. Using the same darting manoeuvre as before (yawn) Superman crashes through the roof of an equally busy restaurant this time General Zod’s loyal sidekick (Antje Traue) is the intended victim. But, hurray, no one appears to be injured this time – not physically anyway. Imagine if you were the owner of that restaurant. It would take you a good few months to get up and running again and what will you do for money during that time? The fact is you wouldn’t have any incoming money and would struggle to afford living costs but does Superman care? No, he’s busy locking lips with Lois Lane (Amy Adams). That’s just the way it works in Metropolis; Superman gets the girl, restaurant proprietors get the noose ready. Indeed it seems to be Miss Lane who gets all the perks of having Superman around. As the final battle approaches its ‘dramatic’ conclusion we see plenty of average Joes fending for themselves under a pile of rubble as the epitome of danger dawns upon them in the shape of a giant, destructive space ship. A couple of moment later Lois Lane falls off a plane (I own all rights for potential nursery rhymes) and Superman drops everything to speed to her rescue. That’s democracy for you.

Overall, Man of Steel is a poor movie, even when compared to the unrelenting onslaught of comic book fodder that is being thrown at us one reel at a time. It seems to be a recurring theme at present to disregard entertainment, characterization, plot etc. for over-the-top CGI explosions and ridiculous dialogue and this is a prime example of just that and despite my low expectations going into the film, I was still left disappointed.

*boring perfume refers to perfume that doesn’t smell of anything